In the Weeds

Somehow December has morphed into late February and so it's not surprising that yesterday's walk yielded sightings of buds ready to burst and bushes already flowering with delicate doily-like blooms. The semester is progressing rapidly too. We are almost mid-semester, closing week six in Texas Literature, with analysis of the slice-of-life plays of Herman Foote, which followed William Humphrey's sumptuous narrative in Home from the Hill, and Kathryn Porter's Old Order, and we are now reading two of Larry McCurty's works. Multiple learning capacities are being challenged in my Computer Literacy course, as we access and learn critical new ways to think about technology, and as participants in the national Op-Ed initiative, work to design our own sites and content, as well as create online literature reviews and technology presentations employing this new information.

Being "in the middle" of projects is challenging for me. Growing up, my sister and I, who are the oldest siblings, hated the Saturdays that Mama  deemed, "Cleaning Days." Reluctantly, we'd drag from bed, knowing that we were in for a full day of work. The worst part of these days was the disordered path we had to take to get to "clean." Contents of drawers were dumped onto beds for sorting, refolding and discarding if necessary, and the same routine applied to cabinets and closets. That meant for many hours of the day we were "in the weeds," having to maneuver around the disarray to complete a task that seemed enormous -- until thankfully, usually by the time the sun was ready to slip down into the horizon, almost magically, the house was refreshed and reorganized and we woke revitalized, by both the fruits of our labor and the process itself.

Well, "in the weeds" is exactly where I am with the semester and several other tasks, but it's being there with my personal writing project that's likely got me feeling the most discombobulated (and believe me the word fits). During winter break, I retreated into the story I've been thinking about for about five years now and finished it. After letting it marinade a few weeks, between work and other tasks -- I'm back at it, with the help now of a sharp-eyed and very capable editor. I'm working through it from two directions, making my own edits and rewrites of the last half of the book, as well as completing the edits that she is doing. Additionally, her read-through is only the second for the manuscript and my anxiety over that has me on EDGE! Though the internet seems rife with writers who post their work with the saucy directive, "Enjoy!" as though they know everyone will -- I'm not that writer. Earlier this semester after sending an abstract off, I actually dreamed of words I suppose I subconsciously thought might have been better choices.

So, I'm slogging through the weeds, believing there is blue skies and sunshine on the other side. The story is titled, Something about April, and spring is around the corner, and that's gotta mean there's light in them there in hills, or glowing in that Texas horizon!

...and, along with all the working, reminding myself to let go, be grateful and savor the day.

Hope you're doing the same.

:-) Cheri

Welcome New Year

This first morning of the new year dawned gray and chilly, but as my trusty companion Mocha and I made our way around the track I was feeling mighty grateful. Last night by the time I heard the gunfire heralding in the New Year I was still working hard at a goal I've made for myself. It's not been easy. Poet T.S. Eliot says, "Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity," and this year that's certainly been the case for me. I've agonized over every class paper, every blog, every discussion post,...every writing I've done it seems. A wise young co-worker of mine tells me I worry about my writing because I care, and she's right. But, as I read other writers voicing the same lament I can't help but think the modern writer's anxiety is increased by all the voices we find ourselves exposed to. Along with voices of  family, friends, and co-workers, the voices of readers and even potential readers of our works  have broadened exponentially with the growth of the internet and social networking. The problem is that all these voices can make it challenging to remain connected to the ones who are most important, those of your characters and yourself.

But, writer's write, and must continue to write through the difficulties or we're not really writers because we're not writing.

When my winter break began, I set a writing goal for myself. Well, of course as it always is when you set a goal, things soon became difficult. For reasons I won’t bother to share, while I’ve been plugging away daily on my WIP, as the days progressed, I've struggled through many emotions, and a whole lot of anxiety. Then the other night in the midst of “it” out of the blue I recalled all that I’ve been through. Not just in the past few years, but in the entirety of my life. Sometimes because of my choices and sometimes just because, I truly have been through hell and high water and I can’t even swim. In that quick reflection, I realized that I’ve made it through some really, really tough times. 

A voice inside asked, “You've been through all of that, you're still here and you can’t do this?” and then replied, “Are you kidding me?” 

All of the sudden I felt pretty ridiculous. I thought to myself, “…of course I can do this and I will.” 

I've got about two more weeks to work toward my goal and I know it will continue to be challenging...even difficult, but it’s not like I’m working the cotton fields, or even going through the very real hardships that others who do what I do, did. I don’t have to be as brave as they, or as hearty, or even as committed. And, who said “it” would be easy?

Like slapping one foot in front of the other around and around the track...I can do this. And, I will. 

And, throughout this year every time the punk in me rises up and begins to whine, I’m gonna remember this question, “After all you’ve been through, and all that others have gone through before you, you can’t do this? Are you kidding me?”

I can do this. 

That’s my New Year’s Resolution and I pass it on to you.  

Whatever it is you want to do, as Nike says...just do it.

You can do it. And, you will.

Happy New Year!